Hope, Joy, Sorrow & Love

Dan & Shirley Goecke say, “We are on this earth for a short time and it takes years to understand that we have very little control over our lives.”

On Sept 6, 1973, they were blessed with a baby boy they named Kevin James Goecke. During his school years he became exceptionally good at playing the saxophone. In High School he was in the Marching Band, Jazz Band and Symphonic Orchestra.

After High School, Kevin and a friend went to a Community College for a year. Kevin was a very loving, free spirited, and independent young man. He wanted to venture out and his friend wanted to go with him. The young men decided to leave for the Copper Mountain ski resort in Colorado to work and ski for free. Copper Mountain also provided housing for their employees. Kevin and his friend used their free time to go to Music Festivals and spent nights in Kevin’s Volkswagen bus.

Kevin made some wonderful friends in Colorado and the group followed each other wherever they went. After 10 years there they all decided it was time to move further west, so they pulled up stakes and moved out to Sonoma County in Northern California where Kevin would spend the last 14 years of his life.

After moving to CA, Kevin finally found his niche. He loved the outdoors and started a garden irrigation business, as an independent contractor for Environ Control. He would say, “I can make all your garden dreams come true.” Kevin would have this business for over twelve years. He was settling down, but Dan and Shirley were still praying he would find his way back to the Church and find a loving mate.

One day when Kevin was about 38 years old, he called home and asked Dan and Shirley to pray that he would find himself a Midwest girl. Shirley said, “You are ready to settle down now, aren’t you?” He said, “Yes, of course!” They prayed, wondering how he would meet a Midwest girl while living in CA.

Shortly after that conversation, Kevin flew to Thailand for the first time by himself for a vacation. Dan & Shirley were praying at home for his safety. While he was there, he met a girl named Marissa, from guess where, “Columbus, Ohio.” Marissa was raised Catholic, but like Kevin was not going to church. Neither of them had ever been married. She had lived in Thailand for two years and now came back there on vacation every year. A romance started. She worked in New York at the time, and after corresponding for a while, she moved to CA to be with Kevin.

They eventually got married on August 15th, 2015.  Kevin was 42 and Marissa was 35. They had a beautiful wedding on the beach at Bodega Bay, CA.

The following April 29, 2016 they were blessed with a baby girl, they named Anamika. Anamika was a miracle baby. After birth, Anamika was diagnosed with a blood infection that could have taken her life. Marissa had a low fever of 101 in the hospital that triggered the diagnosis. Had Anamika been taken home, she would not have made it back to the hospital. Mika, as they called her, stayed in intensive care for 10 days before overcoming the infection. Marissa was in the Hospital 2 extra days and both she and Kevin stayed at the Ronald McDonald House until the right antibiotic could be found for Anamika. Mika was not getting better. The doctors thought they did not have the right antibiotic, but eventually it started working and she recovered.

It was just a few months after Mika was born that Kevin began complaining that his arms were weak and starting to hurt. Shirley told him to go get a physical, as he never had one. After 10 months of different tests, he was diagnosed with ALS.

This was devastating for Dan and Shirley. Up to this time God was answering their prayers. Kevin deteriorated quickly. Dan & Shirley flew out approximately every 6 weeks to be with him. They never gave up searching for a cure. The Doctor decided to give Kevin stem cell treatments in October of 2017. Dan flew out to Anaheim, CA to meet Kevin, Marissa and Anamika. He stayed with them at a hotel for 13 days while Kevin received the stem cell treatments at the Regenerative Medical Group in Anaheim, CA. This would never be a cure, but they were hoping it would make him feel better until a cure came. Dr. Henderson said it could last two to five years and they should see an improvement within three months if it worked. Those two weeks went fast. Then Dan and Kevin flew home to Sanoma County. Dan stayed with Kevin for three more weeks and while there he purchased a lift chair. Kevin seemed a little stronger from the stem cell treatment, but only time would tell how much.

A couple of months went by with no improvement. Shortly thereafter, Kevin called home and told his mother he wanted to talk to God. She said, “Better start talking, because He doesn’t come to you, you have to go to Him. The Lord needs to feel needed.” Kevin said he wanted to know if he was going to make it, and if not, he wanted peace. That was Kevin’s prayer, even if he did not realize it.

One month later, Marissa flew Kevin home to Dayton, along with Anamika, a walker, a car seat, luggage, and a wheelchair. Anamika sat on Kevin’s lap while being pushed. It was difficult to imagine how she managed this. Shirley said, “We knew then Kevin would never be home again.” Kevin was unable to go up steps and could barely walk, so Dan and Shirley moved to the upstairs bedroom.

The morning after Kevin arrived, Dan woke up suddenly feeling a need to go see Father Tom Schmidt. He wanted to ask Father Tom if he could anoint Kevin while he was in Dayton. It was apparent to Father Tom that Dan was distressed and he asked him to step into his office. Father Tom had been dealing with stage 4 bone cancer for some time. He felt for Kevin and Dan, as he himself was resentful when he first found out about his cancer. Father Tom told Dan that after a while he felt blessed because he could now relate to the suffering of others. He said he would be happy to anoint Kevin but went a step further and said he would have a healing Mass if Kevin was willing. Arrangements were made to come the following Friday evening at 7 pm.

Dan came home and was elated to tell Shirley before Kevin woke up. We always prayed that the right Priest would bring Kevin back into the Church. They were very hopeful for spiritual healing. After Kevin woke up, they proceeded to tell him about Father Tom coming over to anoint him on Friday evening and say a healing Mass, if he was willing. Kevin asked Dan if he had asked Father Tom to say the Mass. Dan said, “No, he volunteered.” Kevin said yes when he found out Father Tom was also suffering with bone cancer.

Father Tom came the following Friday at 7 pm. Father talked to Kevin and Marissa separately to hear their confessions. Afterwards, he called Dan and Shirley in from the patio saying. “We are having a Mass.” Father Tom said they should sit at the kitchen table just like Jesus would. The Mass was beautiful. They watched Kevin’s face transforming as Father spoke. After the Mass, all laid hands on Kevin for a physical healing, if God willed it. The Mass was also for Father Tom’s healing. Around 8:30 pm the Mass was over, and Father Tom stayed for supper. He had not eaten all day prior to coming over, he had been anointing the sick of the parish, seven people in all.

Around 10 pm. Father Tom was ready to leave. Kevin stood up with help and gave him a hug, and thanked Him for coming. The Mass was a beautiful experience. Dan and Shirley’s 25 years of prayer had been answered. God healed everyone’s heart to deal with what would lay ahead.

A week later Dan and Shirley took a framed picture of Kevin and Father Tom to Father Tom.  He told them he had been praying for Kevin all week and that he felt God’s presence when Kevin got up to thank him.  It was in that moment and the anointing that he knew Kevin would be with the Lord.

The next day Dan called me to come see Kevin.  This was the first time I met Marissa.  She brought Anamika down from her nap for me.  Anamika was as beautiful as her mother.  Kevin greeted me with a hug and that huge smile of his.  Even though he had ALS, he was smiling as he always had when meeting anyone.  They flew home a few days later.

Several weeks later Dan and Shirley flew again to California to be with Kevin, Marissa, and Anamika for Christmas 2017.  Kevin was getting worse but was able to go to Midnight Mass and receive communion.  A Jewish friend of his also came, but stayed in the atrium and watched. 

In spring of 2018, Kevin continued to get worse.  When Dan and Shirley were there, Dan struggled to help Kevin go to the bathroom, and to maneuver in and out of the wheel and lift chairs.  Kevin’s friend Jeff lived two miles away and came every day to help lift Kevin into his wheelchair or his lift chair.  Before bed he would put Kevin on a massage table to stretch his legs and arms.  Another friend, Justin, would drive 3 hours every Friday night and spend the weekend to relieve Jeff and give Marissa a break.  Justin was a Pilates instructor and extremely helpful at exercising Kevin.  He would return home on Monday morning.  His four closest friends came to build a ramp for his motorized wheelchair.

Dan and Shirley would go into Kevin’s room every night while there, and prayed for Kevin, blessing Him with water from our Lady of Lourdes and Fatima. They anointed him with oil from Padre Pio. This gave Kevin a high as he felt he was being prepared for heaven.

Kevin made it through his 45th birthday on April 6, 2018. One hundred and fifty people surprised Him outside His home. His face beamed with joy at being surrounded by those who loved Him.

It was not long before Kevin was on a feeding tube and could no longer move his legs and arms. His speech was difficult, and he needed Mother Mary, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to help Him get through the day. Even though he could not talk, God knew his thoughts. Kevin continued to smile every time someone entered his room. Dan and Shirley’s last visit was in June of 2018. Knowing how much he had suffered, they prayed for a happy peaceful death. Kevin died July 11, 2018, in his sleep.

A beautiful funeral with many loving friends in attendance took place in California on August 11, 2018. They had a memorial Mass for Kevin in Dayton on September 11, 2018, celebrated by Father Tom Schmidt who Christ used to lead Kevin back to the church.

Many friends and relatives came to pay their respects including his friends from California, that were with him through all his suffering,

When Dan and Shirley thanked Kevin’s friends, they said, “Kevin brought us all closer to God through his smile, his friendship and his beautiful heart. One said, “I wish I could be half the man he was.”

Within three years, Dan and Shirley gained a daughter-in-law, a granddaughter, and the conversion of their son before his death. They also came to know how deeply Kevin’s friends loved their son. Two of them come to visit Mica and Marissa often. Marissa frequently takes Mica to the beach where they were married, and Kevin’s ashes were sent to sea, sharing memories of the Father she never really got to know.

It has been two years since Father Tom said the funeral Mass for Kevin and now Father Tom is with Kevin in heaven, having died this September 2020, when his cancer returned. Before Father Tom died, he told Dan and Shirley his cancer was a gift from God that made his life truly worthwhile. As for Dan and Shirley, life is bittersweet. God had answered all their prayers in His time, and they know everything is in God’s hands, but miss their beloved son, and his wonderful smile.

Young people today often leave the church when they venture forth on their own. Dan and Shirley believe there is hope for each of them if we persevere in prayer.

James 5:16 "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Matthew 5:8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”