Going Full Circle

It was over a hundred years ago that Jan’s grandparents lived their Christian faith. Her father grew up in a very Christian centered environment. Jan’s grandfather sang in the church choir and played guitar at various church events. Her grandparents were very solid people with good Christian values and that was the family Jan’s father grew up in. Then he met and married Mary, who did not have that same solid foundation. As a result, Jan’s family was kind of on again and off again about going to church. Jan said, “When we were little, we did go to Sunday school and we did go to church every Sunday for a while. When I think back, because of our frequent moves, it was just kind of hard to always get reestablished in a church, so we just stopped going.”

Jan’s father worked for several different insurance companies each time requiring a move. It was tough on Jan, moving after 8th grade and then again after her sophomore year in high school. Eventually her dad started his own business in Kansas City where he planted roots, but Jan was out of the house by then. Jan said, “Dad was successful, and went all in, with everything he focused on. He was proud of his accomplishments and he would always say, ‘I did it my way,’ another way of saying, he could be a little stubborn.” And yet it was one of his virtues, determination.

Jan’s parents were married 62 years. Her mom had debilitating lupus, before much was well known about the disease, and no one really knew how to treat it. Her mom was put on Prednisone in her early 40’s and remained on it for 40 years. As a result, her muscles deteriorated. Jan said, “She was struggling big time, even before she had open-heart surgery. Between the two, her prognosis was short term and so mom decided to just take her own life.”

Jan’s dad had an exceedingly difficult time recovering from his wife’s death because he felt so much guilt as he was her caregiver. Now he was living alone and began suffering from depression. The depression got more severe when he got to the point where he could not drive anymore. He also needed to be around people who would energize him. He called Jan one day and said, “I just can't stay here. I’ve done some research on a retirement community and signed myself up to move there.”

This decision to relocate came not long after Jan told her father about a vision she had regarding her mother. In it her mother appeared to her along with an angel. She had a glow about her while speaking to Jan. She wanted to let Jan know she was at peace and doing fine. Her mother had a smile on her face, which was striking as she had not smiled for years while struggling with Lupus. It was after Jan told her father about the vision, that he moved into a retirement center. It was there that his spiritual life started to grow through the friendship of a minister and an aide.

Jan’s dad started joining her brother and his wife in attending church. It was at this church where her dad became involved with counseling. The friendship that formed with the church counselor and one of the pastors, started his spiritual reawakening.

While there he started going to a vespers service that they had every week, becoming a little bit more spiritual than he had been. He started listening to Charles Stanley, who came on while flipping channels one day. Charles Stanley made a huge impact on him. After dad died, Jan found a whole library of Charles Stanley videos and books. Dad also became friends with a lady at the retirement village with whom he would attend Bible studies. She gave him a beautiful Bible and she was a big part of his spiritual journey over the last few years.

Jan’s dad went kind of full circle. He started out with a strong faith, but in the process of raising kids and changing jobs, his faith took a back seat. He then in later years drifted back toward God with the help of others. He was the same person but was a recipient of God’s grace and cooperated with it. He lived in the retirement home for about 5 years and became rather good friends with the pastor that came to the retirement center. The pastor later told Jan that on the last day of his life, she went and visited him in the hospital, and he asked her to pray with him that he would die that day. She said as they prayed, “He was so at peace with all of it.”

Jan said, “At age 92 my dad was in amazingly good health. He walked a mile a day without any assistance at all. Then one day he called my brother and asked him to take him to the hospital. My brother said that dad thought he had pneumonia. My dad walked into the hospital, and they said he did not have pneumonia. They found other things wrong with him. They kept him and started pumping him up with prescriptions. He had side effects from those prescriptions, and they gave him other prescriptions for the side effects and he just plummeted, going totally downhill. He was fine before but walked in and did not ever walk out. It was terrible.”

Both of Jan’s brothers lived in Kansas City near her dad. Jan and her husband were in Arizona for the winter but flew to Kansas City to stay with her dad and help her brothers make some decisions about moving her dad to a rehab facility. When she left her dad was in rehab. Jan said it was a good facility, and they were glad to have him there, but it was not long before the rehab center decided they could do no more for him.

It was only through God’s intervention that Jan and her husband were able to be with her dad when he died. They were going to leave Arizona in May, but at the end of April, after only two days back in Arizona, Jan told her husband they must go back to Kansas City. They started to pack up their stuff to drive home. She had this feeling that she needed to get there. They wanted to spend two days with their daughter in Colorado Springs on the way to Kansas City. On Wednesday night, when they arrived in Colorado, Jan’s dad called her and he sounded great, the best she had heard him sound in two months. She thought, “Oh, I am just so happy he is doing better.” After the first night she again felt like they needed to get there sooner, even though he sounded great the day before.

On the way to Kansas City that next day, Jan’s brother called and said, “Go straight to the hospital. Dad’s here in bad shape.” When Jan arrived all the family was there. Her dad told everyone he was ready to go and asked to have them disconnect the life support system. Then, as he passed, he said, “It is so beautiful.” All of them heard it, but it did not resonate with everyone. He died in the hospital in March of 2019.

Jan said, “I never thought I would want either one of my parents to die, but it was such an amazing transition for him to get to that place where he was so at peace. I mean, we had to let him go and it was ok. Being there with him at the end meant so much to me. I think I became more aware of looking for God's voice. I pray more now than I used to and do prayerful meditation. It has impacted me spiritually. My brother and sister-in-law are involved in their church and she sets an exceptionally good example for me. I had a bad experience with a church many years ago, so if I'm being honest, I would probably have to visit a lot of churches before I found one that fits me here.”

Jan had read my book and told me she is in the Orange Circle, but she has an inner desire to be on the road her father took. In sharing her story, Jan was seeking fellow sojourners to help her begin the journey. Less than a week has gone by and Jan is already looking into joining a bible study group. When Covid-19 is over, I hope to sponsor her to the Walk to Emmaus.

Clarence