The Relationship

After 54 years of marriage our relationship changed. It was pretty much the same for the 57 years from when we first met. We liked a lot of the same things. She introduced me to tennis, and I introduced her to golf. We both liked games, the theatre, county fairs, and we went to church together.

She was only 16 when I met her on a double date with a friend of mine. My friend and neighbor dated her for several months. He was active in his Methodist church and she in the Catholic church. One day he said to me, “Why don’t you take Vi out? I am not going to take her out any longer because she is Catholic.” My reply was, “She is not my type.” I was thinking my friends and I frequented teen bars and Vi would not fit into that scene.

Not long after his suggestion, the girl I was dating told me she wasn’t interested in going to the theatre to see a show. I had already purchased the tickets. Feeling rejected, I asked her for her telephone book and the first person that came to mind was Vi. Vi was now 17 and I was 20. Vi asked her parents and they said she could go. We had a great time and I started to ask her out regularly and ditched the teen bars. She had a good influence on me.

Three years later we married. Now many of you know that opposites attract. Vi was methodical and I was spontaneous. Vi’s love language was service and doing for others and mine was hugs . We loved each other and enjoyed being together. She showed her love by doing. I tried to reciprocate, but you can never outdo a doer. She tried to reciprocate, but it led to three children in five years. Vi liked a tidy house and did not mind staying home. I liked to be on the go and could be a bit messy at times. We had a good marriage because we liked doing things together and we had common interests and mutual friendships. We both tolerated what we felt were short comings to the perfect relationship, but most of all we both had a strong belief in God and prayed together. God had put us together for a reason, and we helped each other overcome our shortcomings.

Vi had told me before that people told her they loved my hugs and she felt she was not getting any. But over the years I found that stopping to give her a spontaneous hug wasn’t a good idea, because as I said she is a doer and I interrupted what she was doing. Or she felt it would lead to something else she did not have time for.

Fifty-four years, 3 children and nine grandchildren later our relationship changed. One day last year Vi came to me in the evening and said, she wanted a hug. I was taken by surprise. It was wonderful. I gave her a big hug looked deep into her eyes and told her how much I loved her. I could see the same love in her eyes and heard the same words. The next night she said, she was tired, was going to bed but wanted her hug. Again, after a great embrace we looked into each other’s eyes and told each other how much we loved each other. This has been going on for over six months now and I find myself trying to please her by tiding up more. But even when we are upset with each other, at night just before bedtime, we embrace and look deep into each other’s eyes and tell one another how much we love each other. We have never been more in love than we are now or feel so good about being together.

If your marriage is a bit stale, do not look for your partner to do anything. Take matters into your own arms. Insist on a hug no matter what the tensions of the day have been. Look deep into their eyes and tell them how much you love them. No matter what the response, keep insisting on your hug each night and soon your relationship will be the best it has ever been.

Gil and Vi