My Daughter Karen sent this to me. We all seek understanding of situations, and that is why I think this post is so impactful. My granddaughter Kayla painted the picture in her teens, during some trying times. She was always quite the artist. Kayla graduated with highest honors from UNC Chapel Hill in 2022.
Clarence
My daughter Kayla painted this in 2015. On the back it says, "Just like the willow tree our family is broken..., but beautiful." "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)." She is an amazing young lady.
Weeping Willow, by Kayla
We used to joke that our family tree was the weeping willow. A family riddled with addiction, mental health issues and broken relationships. The weeping willow name comes from the way raindrops run down its long leaves, making it look like the tree is crying. The weeping willow is therefore associated with grief and mourning.
My kids’ grandfather and then their favorite uncle both committed suicide within 10 years of each other (they were identical twin brothers). This happened back in the time when you didn’t talk about mental health. Suicide had a stigma with it and it was something families swept under the rug and didn’t let people know. I remember feeling like, what if people found out how they died? How would that reflect on us and our family? So, we kept it close. But then a friend shared about her brother taking his life. I had no idea. She and I had been friends for a while, and I remember feeling a sense of relief that someone understood. Her vulnerability gave me such comfort and allowed me to be vulnerable and share what I was feeling. Confusion, sadness and guilt (I know now that it wasn’t my fault, but at the time you find yourself asking could I have done something? What didn’t I see?
Since that time, I have shared our family story with many others struggling with the loss of a friend or family member to suicide. In my former life, I was a pastor’s wife for 15 years, so I was privy to many peoples struggles through co counseling with my then husband and knew sharing our story could help these families feel understood and not alone.
Also, since that time, I have more personally dealt with mental health concerns with my own children. I am thankful that the universities they attend provide ways for them to get counseling, and teachers and friends who understand when they are having a difficult time. Vulnerability is key. Others sharing their stories helps in so many ways. It takes the stigma away of “what is wrong with me?” “what is wrong with my family?” or “what is the purpose in all this pain?” and the alienation one feels when they feel like no one else understands or feels this way.
One of the stories my kids and I used to read when they were little was a story called “Best of All” by Max Lucado, where the character Punchinello, being a made of a willow tree, was seen as weak and less-than from the others made from the strong trees. He questioned why he had to be made different. But later in the story he found that being made of willow allowed him to be flexible and bend and actually save the strong maple in a life-threatening situation while the others made of strong trees couldn’t save her.
There’s a quote by Robert Jordan I just saw that reads, “The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent and survived.”
So maybe having a weeping willow for a family tree is actually not such a bad thing, but yet a strength in vulnerability and a way to help others survive. 😊
As Kayla reminded me…We are broken,…but beautiful.
Karen